AHouseBuiltUponSandIndex | Time Under Chaos | Game Logs | PreGameLogs | A House Built Upon Sand In the shady comforts of Thessaly House, worlds were colliding. At the center of the manor's immaculate garden, a violent slash had torn in the air itself; black lightning crackling at the chasm's edges. Between each flash, a phantasmagoria of colors, smells, and sounds bled through into Reality. A young woman stood in front of this miniature storm, speeding through worlds just as a child might play with a flip book. Her sheer dress rustled in the breeze, its green and blue silks moving like an uneasy ocean. On the nearby patio, an older gentleman, a large dog, and a very concerned-looking fennec looked on. They sat at a stylish, wooden patio set and had been doing so for roughly half an hour now. Tea and fresh crumpets had been set out with numerous types of preserves. But the food had remained relatively untouched thus far, the trio too busy concentrating on the Logrus sorceress only a few paces away. "Are you really sure we should be doing this?" Tanstaafl said, his furry tail twitching with agitation. The 'This' is question was another experiment of Baroness Helgram's power; specifically her control over Shadow Travel. Until now, she'd never been allowed to utilize this specific skill set; one of Mandor's many precepts with regard to her training. Indeed, much of her far-reaching Logrus manipulation had gone untested so far. Just as she had with her shapeshifting abilities, Tear had resisted tooth and nail Delluth's suggestions to employ her abilities. However, with a little stubborn persistence, the Chaosian had finally convinced his pupil to attempt a short day-trip into Shadow. He knew all too well how to inspire her, after all. Simply dangle prospects for further researching her Elemental Sorceries and she followed along like a mule after a carrot on a stick. "Do you want to see her do it without any practice, and in dire need, one day?" Delluth now answered the fennec. "There's a considerable distance between theory and practice, in my experience." Tanstaafl flicked his ears and sighed. "True enough," he said. "It does get a little nerve-wracking standing beside Her Ladyship of Logrus Doom sometimes. But you're taking the rap if she gets caught." "Fair enough," he said idly, watching Solitaire's progress. The Rebman protectorate of Saloun had been chosen as their destination; a beautiful and violent Shadow of vast oceans and scattered archipelagoes. Solitaire intended to study a ruined temple devoted to the goddess Benten, in the hope she might learn how to unlock the Eighth Seal of Rebma. A day on the beach had been too tempting to resist. Unlike his sometime student, Delluth had dressed for traveling, in sturdy gray and brown clothing and boots. His black, steel-capped staff leaned against a chair, on which a small knapsack and a wide-brimmed hat also rested. Tear let out a startled squeal, "I found it!" Indeed, the air began to fill with the smell of salt and flowers, hinting at tropical delights just a hair's breath away. She turned her head, "Okay, you three. Grab your stuff. It's time to go." She reached out her hand and the knapsack she'd prepared for herself leapt from its resting place and into her arm. With a giddy abandon, she slung it over her shoulders and began tapping her barefoot impatiently. Her violet eyes considered Delluth for a moment; concerned. "Are you sure you won't cook in that, Professor? It is the tropics, after all." He smiled. "My clothing's infinitely adjustable," he reminded her, picking up his own things. "And I even trimmed Zhenechka, did you notice?" Indeed, the dog's normally luxurious fur had been visibly shortened and thinned. Zhenechka reached Tear first, dancing eagerly in place as he waited for his master, and the shorter Tanstaafl, to catch up. "Shall we?" the Professor said, when they did. Tear smiled softly at Zhenechka, "He is looking quite handsome today. Aren't you? Yes you are!" She scratched his ears before returning to the matter at hand. She closed her eyes and concentrated, her brow furrowing with the strain. "Hang on. This may be a little jolting." She pulled on the threads of Reality, dragging the Shadow to them like an angler would catch a fish. In one moment, the four of them were standing in Tear's garden, surrounded by trees and a cool mountain breeze. And in the next moment, they could feel sand beneath their feet and the sun upon their faces. A vast ocean stretched out before them, while white breakers crested a lagoon of aquamarine to their left. Broken mountains dominated the island behind them, wreathed in thick jungle foliage. Nine worn pillars stood before the ocean like silent sentinels. Behind them loomed a broken ziggurat, covered in vegetation and signs of age. Tanstaafl grumbled, "Wow. Great. Can we come home yet?" Tear snorted, "Stuff it, furball. It's beautiful." She walked to the edge of the lagoon, dipping her feet into the lazy waves. She hugged herself with a delighted giggle. "I did it!" "Of course," Delluth said, looking around and sniffing the air, with a pleased expression. He clicked his tongue to get Zhenechka's attention, and described a circle in the air with his forefinger. The dog shot off along the beach and then dove into the undergrowth behind them. "Assuming this is actually Saloun, and not merely a similar Shadow," he added. Tanstaafl went off to investigate the shade for a good place to sleep. It had been a traumatic journey, after all; he needed his rest after such an ordeal. Zhenechka felt some relief from the sun as he entered the thick overgrowth of the jungle, but the humidity continued to hang heavily in the air. Unseen in the treetops, a profusion of birds chattered as the hound approached the temple. Ti plants and assorted Monstera and Dracaena choked the ancient pathway, but eventually parted to reveal an open courtyard of mossy stones and fallen masonry. The ziggurat had witnessed other eras and showed its age. Yet many of the frescos and carvings remained relatively untouched by time; revealing the deep beauty of the temple. But he had little time to appreciate this artistry. His keen senses noted the cyclopean snake entwined around the temple's fountain. At first it appeared to be a part of the stone, but then its tail-tip twitched slightly, revealing life. The creature must have been several hundred feet in length; easily large enough to swallow man-sized prey. Zhenechka backed up several steps, regarding the monster serpent, then turned and continued his circuit through the jungle, keeping a wary eye out for any similar creatures along the way. He didn't detect another other threats in the jungle; the predators undoubtedly scared off by the presence of such large competitor. Tear walked along the wet sand, entranced by the surf splashing over her toes. Now in the sun, her dress showed more of her than she probably suspected. "I'm pretty sure this is the place, Professor," she said. "See that arched formation on the ziggurat?" She gestured toward the main columns. "That's definitely Moklem architecture. And I don't think they've ever traveled through Shadow." She paused for a moment, resting her hands on her narrow hips. "Still. This doesn't match the layout I read about. There should be eight sentinels. Not nine. I wonder if we're on the wrong island." "Writers sometimes get details wrong, even if they're scholars," Delluth said, pushing his hat back on his head so he could survey the sky in all directions, squinting against the sun. "But as I told you, it's very difficult to get to a specific Shadow one hasn't been to before." He stopped at that, wanting to let her work things out on her own. "We can go take a closer look at the ruins once Zhenechka gets back, if you like." The only other sign of habitation were gigantic stone blocks that led out into the lagoon. Each one had holes drilled into their four corners. Although most of these holes were filled with sand, the ones higher on the beach revealed that wood logs had been implanted into them. Apparently, this might have been some type of dock-like structure. Otherwise, the island appeared quite wild and untamed. "I hope he gets back soon," Tear said, staring at the ruins longingly. She kicked at the water impatiently. "I want to make sure I got this right." It was definitely very hot, though. After a moment's concentration, he pulled the sleeves off his shirt and stowed them in his knapsack. His bared arms were muscular, though not extraordinarily so, and quite pale, but sunburn was not the kind of thing a Chaos Lord generally had to worry about. Tear regarded him for a moment and then smirked. "Told you so," she chuckled. She danced further down the beach, but stayed within sight of the sleeping fennec. "Professor?" she suddenly said, stopping in her tracks. "Can you shapeshift others? That is possible isn't it?" "Of course," he said. "A Chaosian doctor who can't shift others is doomed to second-class status." He paused. "That didn't come out right ..." Tear smiled faintly. If she noticed his slip, she didn't let on. She emerged from the surf and set her bag down near Tanstaafl's sleeping spot in the shade. The fennec raised his ears for a moment, and then set his head back down; exhausted by the heat. "I was curious," Tear said. "Can you. Make a person like a mermaid. Or a Rebman? So they could survive underwater for an extended period?" "Not for an extended period, most likely," he answered. "It depends on the subject's innate strength. Shifting wounds isn't a problem because that's restoring the body's natural shape. An unnatural shape would only last as long as the subject's ..." He was distracted by Zhenechka bursting out of the jungle and racing toward them, ears back and tail tucked between his legs. "Trouble," Delluth said distinctly. The dog skidded to a halt in a shower of sand, panting, and touched his nose to his master's hand. "Hmm," Delluth said a moment later. "The temple is occupied by a gigantic serpent." This revelation ended their discussion. Tear's eyes turned toward the temple, her mouth hanging open. "A giant snake?" she said. "Was it curled around the central fountain? And looked like stone?" "According to what Zhenechka showed me, yes." Tanstaafl, having heard the words 'gigantic' and 'snake' perked up his head. He stretched himself out and then padded down the beach to join them. "What a shame. Looks like we need to go home. I'm ready." Tear tugged her ear and ignored her furred companion. "Most likely. That's a dream snake. Very holy to the Moklem. But extremely dangerous when roused. They can get into your mind and put you to sleep. So they can consume you at their leisure." "Oh that's wonderful!" Tanstaafl snorted. "Just the sort of thing we want to be messing with. So let's go already!" "Are they intelligent?" Delluth asked, rummaging in his knapsack. "And was this mentioned in your source about this place in Saloun?" He came up with a water-skin, then a brass bowl, which he filled with water and held for Zhenechka to drink from it. "Hello?" Tanstaafl snapped. "Snake! Why are we still discussing this?" Tear glowered at him and then returned her attention to Delluth. She fumbled through her knapsack and removed her grimoire so he could see. "I wouldn't say intelligent," she admitted. "But extremely cunning. They consume dreams as well as flesh. So they pick up some of the residue intelligence of their victims. See here?" She flipped the page to the Saloun section, under the heading Dream Snake. The painting matched Zhenechka's image almost exactly. "The venom can be harvested as a potent ritual hallucinogen," Tear explained. "But I suspect it would have other medicinal qualities as well. Especially in the hands of a powerful Chaosian." She glanced up at him and smiled slyly. After a startled moment, he smiled back. "You are a wicked young woman, Solitaire," he said admiringly. "What spells do you have handy that you think might help?" Tear blushed profusely at his praise, scuffling her foot in the sand. Tanstaafl growled, unimpressed. "What is it with you two?! Well, fine. If you think I'm going to get myself eaten, you are mistaken. Zhenechka? Let's go find some place to watch while these idiots get turned into snake food." Tear considered her mentor's question for a moment. "Nothing truly offensive, I fear," she said. But. I wonder." A thin smile appeared. "I can try to trap some of it in the ground. I can cause the ground to open up and hold a target. I guess. I could affect something that big. "And I can heal you if. Things go badly. I have shielding spell that might deter it too." "Immobilizing it should help," Delluth said, ignoring the unintentional slight on his self-healing abilities. "Once you do that, I'll just attack it with Logrus Tendrils." He slung his knapsack onto his back and settled it in place, then tugged his hat to make sure it would stay in place. "Just a moment ..." He summoned the Sign of the Logrus, his face settling into lines of cool concentration. "Zhenechka, guard the rear. Let's go." "Please, Professor," Tear said. "Just. Immobilize it? It would be a sin to kill such a creature." She gazed up at him with bashful determination. "You want to try to milk venom from a snake that's a couple of hundred feet long?" he said. "Well, I suppose it *can* be done ... hold on a moment, I don't have a sample jar with me, and I don't want to try this while also holding the creature." It was a bit longer than a moment, but shortly he had used the Logrus to conjure a large glass jar with a cork-lined ceramic lid. "That should do it. Now we'll go, then." He led the way, moving through the tangled greenery with very little noise, holding branches out of the way for Tear. At length they caught sight of the ruined temple's base. He motioned Tear to stand beside him. Tear followed, busying herself with summoning the Logrus to her as they walked. Wisps of shadow curled around her, plucking at her dress with black fingers. By the time they reached the temple, she'd prepared herself. And well she should. The Dream Snake had stirred from its slumber and had coiled into a defensive position near the ziggurat's base. Even from a distance, they could feel a wash of numbness as its eyes focused on them. Delluth set his mind to resist the creature's mental influence, put the jar down, and finished putting his arms into the Logrus. "Be careful," Tear said seriously and then turned her back to snake. Oily tendrils dripped from her eyes and slither over her throat and shoulders. Using her Logrus Sight, she hoped to prevent the creature's power from overtaking her. "Rego terram serpentis," she muttered, weaving a cat's cradle of blue lightning between her fingers. Almost immediately, the ground beneath the Dream Snake liquefied and began sucking it down. It hissed and spat, but began to sink into the viscous stone. Simultaneously, Delluth's disciplined pair of Logrus tendrils shot toward the snake and, after a moment's efforts to catch the rapidly moving creature, wrapped around its neck and head. He had deliberately left enough play in the tendrils that its increased thrashing could not - quite - yank him off his feet. A moment later, one tendril flattened out and widened, covering the Dream Snake's eyes. Beads of perspiration were forming on Tear's brow; the effort of keeping the creature encased in stone tested her tremendously. Even through the Logrus Sight, she could feel the Dream Snake's mental poison numbing their thoughts, lulling them into slumber. All they had to do was lie down and let sleep wash over them. Just as simple as that, so simple, so alluringly easy. But they were Chaosians; trained to withstand mental attacks and focus their wills to a specific end no matter what. Between the both of them, they held the snake at bay long enough for Delluth's tendrils to slip around its eyes. And like most reptiles, once blinded, the Dream Snake became very placid and still. Its massive body sank deeper into the liquid stone and ceased its efforts to escape. Tear twisted the cat's cradle of lightning between her hands, knitting it tighter. "I have it held," she said. "You'd better make this quick, Professor." "The things I do for my friends," he muttered, joining the tendrils together so he could hold them both while also taking the lid off the jar and picking it up. He trotted across the intervening space toward the serpent's head, warily pressing it down with the tendrils as he approached. The smell of it was fascinating in its own way, sharp and almost peppery, but he ignored that in favor of cautiously slipping the lip of the jar under one protruding fang. A little pressure was enough to prompt a trickle of venom. That was the source of the peppery scent, he found - and instantly breathed it out again, and did not take another breath until he'd slowly counted to ten and backed away, a half-inch of venom swirling in the bottom the jar. He held it out to one side as he ran back. "Hold your breath," he said when he reached Tear, and did the same until he'd gotten the lid pressed into the jar. "Now," he said, "how about you let it go and join the others at the beach and get us ready to go elsewhere, and the I'll let it go and catch up as soon as you call." Tear held the jar gingerly, wrinkling her nose at the lingering scent. She gave a faint nod. "Be careful, Professor," she said seriously. "There's no telling what it might do once I dispel the Working." Her violet eyes remained concerned, outlined by the rippling shadows of the Logrus. After a moment, she closed them and muttered a few arcane syllables to counter the magic. The stone reverted back to its natural state, expelling the snake's body. Still confused and entrapped in the tendrils, the Dream Snake didn't move a great deal. Nor did it appear overly violent now; simply cautious. Tear hurried back toward the beach, being swallowed up by the jungle. After a few moments, Delluth felt her mind touch his, seeking entrance. Even now, Delluth didn't trust the creature's seeming placidity. He kept the Logrus tendrils in place even as he started retreating back through the underbrush and answered Tear with a brief, "Coming!" Only when he arrived at the beach did he release the tendrils. "Have you found another beach for us to relax on?" His caution was well deserved, as the snake lunged forward the moment it felt its bindings disappear. Fortunately, the strike remained wholly ineffectual. Seeing that its prey had moved beyond its reach, the Dream Snake slowly slithered back to its former resting place and resumed sunning itself to regain its strength. On the beach, Tear held open a rift of shadow and light, beyond which a familiar ocean could be seen. A boat passed by in the distance, flying the colors of Kashfa. Delluth had traveled to Rebma enough to recognize the Garnath coast. "I thought we'd tested out luck enough for one day," she admitted in a timid voice. "So I chose something more familiar." Tanstaafl sat at her feet, looking up at Delluth indignantly. "What she means is that I talked some sense into her empty head." Delluth's unprofessorially gleeful expression disappeared in a gusty sigh. "You're no fun at all," he protested. He seemed about to say something even more annoyed to the fennec, only gave him a look. Tear hung her head in defeat. "I think. I've had enough exploring for one day, Professor. Is that okay?" "Resting after exertion is always a good plan," Delluth replied, recovering some of his adrenalin-fueled cheer. He picked up the jar and said, "Ready when you are!" Tear focused her attention and slowly reeled in the other world to them, tugging the strands of Creation itself as a musician might pluck out a tune. In a stomach-churning flicker, the sandy heat of Saloun beneath their feet transformed into the warm grass of Garnath. They'd arrived about fifty yards from the beach and several miles to the north, they could make out the tiered gem of Amber City. The brick ocean air welcomed them; brisk after the sweltering humidity they'd left behind. Tear shuddered and shook out her hands. "Well that's done," she said. She turned to gaze up at her mentor. "I think I need to walk around. Just to find my legs." Tanstaafl watched her walk down to the beach with Zhenechka in tow, running around her legs as she headed for the surf. He glanced up at Delluth, "She could have been killed you know. That was reckless encouraging her." Delluth had sat down on the sand, the better to talk with the short creature, and covered the sample jar with his knapsack. "Nonsense," he said. "We weren't in any serious danger. You coddle her too much." Tanstaafl snorted incredulously, "Exactly what sort of hobbies do you participate in that 200-foot long snakes with mental hypnotism aren't consider a 'serious danger'?" "We could start with assaying the Logrus ... or there was the time I went off and studied field surgery in a medium-tech shadow - they had guns, and explosive rounds going off next to the tents. That was an interesting time." They watched the young woman begin playing tag with Zhenechka; so childish in her manner and giddiness. "She needs to be coddled, Doc. I mean look at her. She's still ten years old. Sure. She could take the top off Kolvir if she got angry. But she's still a kid. You push her too hard to grow up, I think." Delluth shook his head. "Not hard enough, really. Look, Tanstaafl. Grant me a little knowledge about the Courts. The place I was raised in, right? One day, Helgram's going to remember its half-breed prodigy. Most likely when they think they need her for something. And if she's too weak, they'll use her like a snot-rag and then throw her away." He was staring up at the sky, his meditative expression seemingly at odds with his words. "How's that any different from what she puts up with now?" the fennec retorted harshly. His ears flicked and then came to rest low against his head. He exhaled with an exaggerated sigh. "Okay. I know you're right. But she's my pet. I raised her from a little girl. Now she's in love with a snake and thinks the devil is her father figure." He cocked his head at Delluth, quickly adding, "Not you. Mandor. Frankly, you're the best thing that's happened to her, next to Groin." "I try," Delluth said, sighing in his turn. Down on the beach, Tear plunged into the surf and began teaching Zhenechka how to dog-paddle. In truth, the large hound was the better mentor. Rather than observe what being soaked did to her gauzy dress, Delluth flopped down onto his back, arms folded behind his head. A wise decision, as the dress virtually disappeared into a translucent sheen of color. Not that Tear noticed her current appearance; she continued splashing and laughing like a happy seal. "She's going to get hurt," Tanstaafl went on. "Bad. And I hate that nothing I can do will prevent it from happening. It's what comes afterwards that really worries me." "Hopefully, she'll just outgrow the thing with Vikund," Delluth noted. "A lot of these first crushes don't last, I'm told. Mandor ..." He tried to shrug, making his hat flop down over his eyes. "I don't know. But she needs her self-confidence built up, not shaken," he said, moving the hat so he could give the fennec a significant look. Tanstaafl grumped. "I try to encourage her as much as possible," he protested lightly. "I know I rattle her cage on occasion, but that's just my nature. I mean I never asked to be this personable and cute. But we all have our cross to bear." Delluth raised an eyebrow at this, but let it pass. The fennec shook his head, "Fine. Teach her what you need to. And I'll try to build a backbone for her. She's a talented, beautiful girl. Now if only she'd listen to someone other than the Snake." "Huh. What does he tell her?" "All the right things and none of the good things," Tanstaafl said. "He doesn't love her, but she believes he does. True. It's given her some confidence. But now she's just relying on him, rather than herself. I swear, if I have to go shopping for wedding dresses one more time…" His powder-puff tail bristled at the thought. "He wants her to grow up, but not lose her innocence. It's confusing her. She's wanted a protector all her life. And he's it now." "Innocence, eh? Better than I expected of him, really." Delluth sighed. "It'll wear off," he said firmly, as if trying to convince herself. "In the meantime, I don't know what to do besides what I've been doing. I suppose I could introduce her to my friends in the Quarter ... but I have a feeling she wouldn't be thrilled about meeting my girlfriend." "Oh, I wouldn't know about that. Tear is rather partial to elderly females," Tanstaafl chuckled. "Well. Elderly people. She hangs around you after all." Tanstaafl began to groom his tail, "There's more than you're letting on, Doc. So give. What's the matter with her?" Still trying not laugh, Delluth managed to say, "She doesn't believe in innocence, for one thing. If Solitaire were to ask about wedding plans, Sarah would probably say 'Marriage? Don't tell me you're holding out for *marriage*, girl!'" Tanstaafl let out a mirthful snort. "Ah! A modern lady is she?" He licked his tail to a fine point, appeared proud of his accomplishment, and then grumped as it promptly turned into a nest of frizzes. "Damnit!" He lay down on his belly and sighed. "Tear's such an innocent in that regard. Sure she reads romance novels like they're how-to-books, but she's still… a child. She feels guilty about kissing for Unicorn's sake. I can't begin to think what she'd do if things went beyond that." A shrill scream came from down below. Tear had apparently realized that which had previously been between her and God could now be seen by all through her dress. She sank down into the surf, mortified. "Case in point," Tanstaafl chuckled. Delluth, who had glanced out from under his hat only to be sure there was no looming danger, pressed his head back against the sand. "Not looking," he said. "Give it a few minutes and then tell her I'm asleep. I'd like that to be true, anyway, and then she can come out and dry off." "Are you kidding me?" Tanstaafl said, doubtful. "The girl turns sixty shades of crimson if I take her unmentionables off the clothes line. She won't let me near her." "And you think *me* talking to her's a good idea?" Taanstafl sighed deeply and stared down at Tear's head bobbing in the surf. Finally, he gave a low grunt of accent. "Fine," he relented. "I'll go remind her that she an Elementalist and she's standing in one." The fennec stood up and padded his way down the slope to the beach, muttering foully. A moment later, his voice rang out. "Hey, Nips! We should talk." Delluth eventually heard Tear carefully climbing the sandy slope. He'd half-listened to the heated negotiations between herself and Tanstaafl. But once reminded that she possessed an authority over Water and Air, the young sorceress solved her problem in surprising speed; manipulating elements to drain the sea-water from her dress and then create a warm zephyr to dry it out completely. This process had created a minor side-effect; her hair now stood up on a spiky mass of elflocks. She sat down nearby, apparently trying not to wake him. He could feel her violet eyes on him, as she rested her chin upon her knees. Zhenechka resolved the question of how long he would doze by trotting up and licking his ear, dislodging his hat from his face in the process. "You want something, eh?" he said, grabbing the dog's head so he could rub both his salt-sticky ears. "You need a bath." Zhenechka aimed a lick at his face, which he dodged, chuckling. He sat up properly. "Water to drink, too," he added, reaching for his knapsack. "Hello, Solitaire. Feeling better?" Tanstaafl found a cool place to settle down and clean the sand out of his paws. Before long he'd fallen asleep again with his head buried beneath his tail. His snoring matched the roar of the surf. "Me? Sorta. I guess," Tear said, turning her gaze out toward the ocean. She idly scratched Tan's back, softly enough so as to not wake him. "I don't know. I had fun today. But I feel guilty about it. You know? I guess. When I'm with you, I see other possibilities. And I don't know if. That's a good thing, sir." "Not a good thing?" the professor said in shocked tones, holding the brass bowl for Zhenechka to drink from again. He seemed, amazingly, at a loss for words when Tear turned to look at him. Tear shook her head and sighed. "No." The word clung in her mouth like cotton batting. She tugged at her ear for a moment, weighing the words to come. Her chin rested upon her knees, which she hugged tightly to her chest. "I'm not stupid, you know," she said. "I know most of you think I am. That I'm just some dumb, little girl. A silly, little freak. But I see the bars around me. Some literal. Some figurative. Any bird can see its cage. No matter how gilded it may be. "But you show me what lies beyond those bars, Professor. And it's scary and it's beautiful and it's wondrous. Sometimes. You make me feel like I can just reach out and grab my dreams. That anything is possible." Her head turned slightly, so that he could see the genuine anger in her eyes. "And that's not fair to me." He met her gaze squarely, and for a moment she had his full attention - a rare thing, and she remembered again how his affable personality usually masked the sheer power of his mind and will. Then he said, "Well," mildly, and smiled. "You remind me far too much of myself at your age.” From the way she smiled, Tear apparently considered this a great compliment. "Now ... first of all," he continued, with far less intensity, "the opinion of those who think short, cute people are stupid or worthless is, well, worthless. And stupid. Think no more of them - or rather, think of them as people who can be ignored or eliminated as you choose. I myself have never thought you were stupid, as I think you know. Naive, yes. Alarmingly unprepared for the world of the Courts, yes. Tragically lacking in the self-confidence that ought to be yours by right, definitely. But these are all things that can be overcome through education and experience, and they certainly don't indicate stupidity. Except to fools.” Tear listened in silence, a chaotic swirl of emotion coloring her features. "Second ..." He shook his head. "I don't really know what you mean by bars and cages. There are troubles and dangers you will need to face one day, certainly, but bars?" His gaze sharpened again. "The only cage I see around you is built of your own fears and uncertainties." "Mandor," Tear said softly, as if this explained everything. When she realized it hadn't, she shrugged her thin shoulders. "I can see how I am being reined in. Much as a hunting dog remains on an invisible leash. I can see things. In the way my life has been. Directed. I don't know what he desires from me, but escape won't be. Allowed." She gave him a faint smile. "He'll find out about today. And he'll punish me for it. But. I think it was worth it. Don't you?" Delluth tapped his fingers on one knee, frowning. He'd never pressed her about Mandor, as about so many other things ... "Punish you how? Not allowed, how?" Tear opened her mouth to answer, but the words were stillborn. She shook her head and sighed into her arms. "I've said enough, Professor," she relented. "And let's not ruin our day. I think it's time to go home and have some dinner." She stood up and began to collect her things. Delluth didn't move, but Zhenechka rested his head on his shoulder and whined softly. "Solitaire," the professor said, "I want to help you, but it makes it difficult if you keep me ignorant." Tear frowned. "If I tell you all my secrets, Professor, then you'll lose interest in me." "I'd like to think I'm a better friend than that!" he said indignantly. Tear blushed brightly and chewed her lip. "I. Well. Yes. You are my friend. Aren't you? I'm sorry, Professor. Sometimes I forget that. You're more than my mentor. Well. Better put. That you think of me more than being just a student. I'm sorry." He looked mollified, and a little apologetic for the outburst. She stared at him for a moment and then shrugged. "He makes a fool of me, if I don't do as he requests. And if I get something wrong, he'll push me until I get it right. No matter the cost to myself. I'm his trained pet. So he treats me like one. "But I'd rather be his pet than his daughter. Even though. I wish he were my father. At least he treats me kindly sometimes." Tear waved her hand dismissively and stooped down to gather up the slumbering fennec. "I'm a better sorceress for what he's taught me. I really should be more grateful for that. Not. Running off like an errant child." Delluth finally climbed to his feet, brushing sand off his clothes. "I run off all the time," he said drily. "When you're an adult, which you are, my dear, you just have to come up with credible reasons. I usually use 'research,' lately; being in Amber means I don't have to resort to 'bored out of my skull.' Today we used 'practicing essential skills,'" he finished, smiling. "Being dull and responsible all the time would drive me 'round the bend, you know. Most adults want and need time off from their responsibilities." "Practicing essential skills," Tear repeated with a nervous grin. "Yes. I like that." She hefted Tanstaafl over her shoulder like a furry sack of potatoes. "And I wouldn't have to lie about it either. Which is good. Thank you." Tear began walking down the slope. "I wish…" she started and then stopped. Blushing brightly, she sighed. "I wish I'd know you before now. Maybe I'd have become the woman you'd like me to be." Behind her, Delluth shook his head as he finished packing the jar into his knapsack. He caught up with her in a few long strides. "I want you to be the woman *you* want to be," he said firmly. "If that means being someone's timid pet, well ... ah, that's what I was trying to think of!" he interrupted himself. "Intermittent positive reinforcement." He smiled, looking down at her from under the brim of his hat. "That's what Mandor's behavior sounds like. Psychology. The University's very weak in that subject, I'm afraid. "Anyway, intermittent positive reinforcement is thought to be the most effective conditioning method there is. It's what keeps gamblers going: desire for a reward that they've gotten *sometimes.* So they keep losing money in the belief that winning can and will happen again." "Wonderful," Tear grumbled. "So, it's like I'm an ass following a carrot." "Well, you're half right at least," Tanstaafl yawned in her arms. She thumped his nose and then resumed cuddling him to her chest. "I'll think on this," she said, looking up at Delluth. "I've always wanted to be. Like my mother. But that's changed, of late. I want to be more like. Princess Larissa. She is so strong. Even in the face of adversity. Maybe you're right. It's time for me to be the woman I'm supposed to be. I just wish I knew who she was." "It can take a while to figure these things out," Delluth said seriously. "Speaking from painful experience." Tear planted Tanstaafl into her knapsack and then fell in beside Delluth. She leaned her head against his arm as they walked, smiling faintly at some unspoken thought. "Thank you," she said, hugging his arm. "You're welcome." A few steps farther on, he said, "Don't beat yourself up so much about falling for the reinforcement thing; plenty of intelligent people do, and he started on you when you were much too young to understand it. And don't feel guilty about wanting to be your own person. It's perfectly normal. Of course, some people handle it badly ..." He looked down at her thoughtfully. "I think I'll tell you my story," he said abruptly. "Just to show you it's possible to recover from even the most spectacular idiocy." Tear listened in humble silence, hovering on every word. There were many things Delluth had taught her over the years. But this, perhaps, would be the most important lesson of all. [And end of public portion of the thread.] |
