The Bitter Truth - Tear, Suhuy, and TorrenIndex | Time Under Chaos | Game Logs | The Bitter Truth - Tear, Suhuy, and Torren (Continued from The Winding Stair: Suhuy and His "Guests") Tear watched the trio disappear in the glimmering aura of a Trump Gate. As it faded into the air, she felt a chill pass over her; winter settling in her bones. Suddenly, she regretted letting Tasha leave. She wanted them here, needed the comfort of a friend, of anyone to ease the pain biting deep into her heart. But that chance faded as surely as their passage, leaving her alone. She took another breath, ignoring the pairs of eyes studying her from either end of the table. It was to Torren she turned finally. AT least in him, she'd found some compassion, some modicum of understanding. That could help her survive this terrible truth. At least, that was what she told herself. "We're alone now," she said softly. "I guess there is no time. Like the present. Please. Finish your story." She picked up a piece of bread; blushing at how it shook in her hand. She steadied her nerves and set it back down on its plate. The food had lost its allure. "This is not a story that has a finish, Baronness, " said Torren. "Unless we are to say that the finish of the story is you. But I can give you more details, as far as I know them, if that is what you wish. What do you need to know?" Suhuy snorted. "Nothing! That's what she needs to know. I told her everything that was important. The rest is just frosting." "Enough!" Tear snapped. Burning vitriol surged through her veins and black lightning flashed at the corners of her eyes and her fingertips. All the hate, betrayal, and venom she'd held back came rushing out of her in that one singular word. The butter-knife she'd been holding leapt across the table like a striking snake, seeking to bury itself deep inside Suhuy's left eye. At the last second, Suhuy casually plucked it from the air and examined it with a bored expression. "I wanted a spoon, my dear." He speared a piece of melon, ignoring his grapefruit for the time being. Tear raged inside; unsure if she was more angered by his offhanded remark or that fact she'd missed her mark. "You are a very unpleasant man," she said as soft as a grave's whisper, leaning back into her chair. Her black eyes returned to Torren. "I meant my mother's story, Master Torren. What happen to her after she tried to kill me? Something went wrong, obviously. And just how long was I inside the Logrus?" "We can only piece together what happened, Baronness," said Torren. "What you should understand is that your mother loved your father very much. Passionately. Indeed, passion beyond reason. When he died, she ran a little mad, I think. "And, in her madness, she turned to the other source of madness in her life - the Logrus. "How much has Mandor told you of what taking the Logrus can mean, Baronness?" Tear sighed faintly, mentally pushing away the awareness that she'd almost inflicted violence upon someone. Again. Could the Madness already be upon her? After all, Mother's blood ran in her veins, and with it, the insanity that drove her to such a horrid act. And what would she do if Vikund died? Her temper boiled inside her heart, twisting and writhing like a nest of snakes. Her Vikund. No. Nothing would stand in her way, if someone hurt him. Tear closed her eyes and shivered. She tightened her grip, pressing her sharp nails into her palms. The exquisite pain gave her focus; just as it had a thousand times before. Her mind grasped onto Torren's question, using it like a rope to pull her back from the darkness. It felt good, solid; something of substance and devoid of these wretched emotions. "He told me that it can overwhelm the mind," she said. "That there are so many layers to the Logrus, the rational mind cannot possibly grasp all its complexities. And yet, I see its many levels and pathways. I hear them like music. I may not know where every pathway leads, but I know they are there. I've read the stories of Walkers that have been forever consumed by the Serpent. It is the risk one takes when they set foot upon its back." Tear cocked her head, brushing a bang from her cheek. "If the Logrus consumed Mama, then she obviously did not understand its moods. She must have been too weak." The last words sounded oddly like Mandor speaking. Torren looked at her closely, and then gave a little nod. "Your mother had become possessed by a belief that if she gave the Logrus a pure, unspotted life, she would be rewarded by having the life she desired returned to her. She offered you. And the Logrus returned ... "Tear, your father had been beaten to death by a mob six weeks previously. The Logrus didn't return him made anew. It returned him ... as he was at that moment." Tear flinched, her stomach rioting against the image of her father's broken form. But as grisly as the truth was to hear spoken aloud, it made perfect sense to her. The Logrus remained, at its chaotic heart, a construction of pure logic. It processed Information in an understandable and predictable fashion. Of course it would have returned Casnodyn's body to Melantha in such a condition. It could have done nothing else. Any fool should have known that. Coldness settled over her heart like a blanket of snow. For all these years, she had idolized Mama. She'd poured over the woman's books, spent nights crying over her Trump, and daydreamed that she would someday become even a mere shadow of Baroness Melantha Helgram. And now, she learned that not only was her mother weak and selfish, but unforgivably stupid. Her father had suffered untold agony all for the love of a foolish woman. And she had been discarded like some many alchemical reagents; a spell foci and nothing more. "She killed him herself, to end his agony," said Suhuy, pushing away his empty plate. "And then she killed herself. We found her dying. Well, Lady Tabitha Minobee found her - and called the rest of us." "So, that's her part in this," Tear whispered, idly torturing her food with a fork. "She thought you were dead, lost in the Logrus," said Torren. "Suhuy went into the Heart of the Logrus and found you. Mandor and I ... we couldn't have done that." Tear's eyes flashed like violet lightning. "She sacrificed me to it! Serpent-forbid that she'd think I'd died in the process. It's all well and good that she. She had her moment of regret. But… she tried to kill her own daughter. She should have killed herself a thousand times over. I was her flesh and blood." She set down her fork. Humiliated by the emotion in her voice, she wiped her tears as if they were poison burning into her skin. The cold chill in her heart deepened and she welcomed it like a forgotten friend. She picked up her fork again and resumed picking at her food. "So, I was in there for quite some time then. Abandoned. Helpless. Or perhaps not so helpless. The Logrus must have protected me for some reason. Didn't it?" "We believe so," said Torren. "We don't know precisely what happened ... " "I found you wreathed in tentacles, cooing and laughing as they bounced you up and down," said Suhuy. "Not a sight I expected to see, the Logrus playing nursemaid." Despite rage festering within her, a smile warmed on Tear's lips. She should have known the Logrus would watch over her. It always had, it always would. Unlike the weak Flesh, the Logrus would not lie to her, would not betray her. Only when it burned inside her heart, did she feel truly safe. Now she knew why. With a mental nudge, she pushed her plate away and sank back into the chair. "I remember," she said softly. "I always thought it was another of my dreams, but I remember. I knew when I heard its song this morning. So familiar. So comforting." Tear flipped her hand over and noticed the ugly wounds she'd inflicted upon herself to regain her focus. She healed the red nail-marks as she spoke, "If it protected me so then. And it calls to me now. Why are you all so adamant that I do not return to its embrace? It calls to me, gentlemen. It hurts. It feels pain. If it is truly the only thing that cares for me, how can I deny its request? And why will you prevent me from doing so?" Her eyes continued to flicker and burn like Samhain fires as she looked between Torren and Suhuy questioningly. "Entities in pain are often at their most dangerous," said Torren. Suhuy nodded. "Our best guess is that the Logrus wants to take you over completely - make you nothing more than its mouthpiece. All that Solitaire is would be subsumed - lost. Well, that's what happened to your blood. You want to show her, young Torren?" "I'd rather not," he said shortly. "She's had enough shocks for one visit." Suhuy shrugged. "Suit yourself. Would you mind passing the marmalade, Baroness?" "All that is Solitaire is nothing but lies, sirs," Tear retorted. "If I am nothing more than smoke and mirrors. What would be the loss? And the Logrus would have its flesh. "But you don't want that do you?" She examined her hand in the harsh light. Minute shadows licked at the last of her cuts, then faded away to leave only unblemished skin behind. The heady rush of sorcery and pain ebbed into a ghostly tingle, and then nothingness. After a cursory test of her flexibility, she nodded to herself in approval. Her task complete, she handed Suhuy the marmalade and provided him a smile of cool indifference. "I want access to all your notes on me," she said plainly. "Every last observation, drawing, formula, and hypotheses. If I am to be the subject of some ongoing experiment. Then I will be an active part of it. And I intend to continue the research personally. You may assist me Lord Torren. I believe your intentions are somewhat. Amiable. Probably because you understand what it means. To have a daughter. "Please. Could help prepare some research facilities for me? And feel free. To use my mother's funds and resources. I saw my lands on the way here." Her eyes darkened and she hugged herself defensively. "Otherwise, I'll simply walk into the Logrus and see what comes of it. Don't think you can stop me. I nearly succeeded once. Next time I'll be prepared. "And I know that possibility scares you, Master Suhuy. Otherwise you would have thrown me in there years ago. I doubt my continued existence has anything to do with. Your capacity for compassion." Tear's glass slid over to her hand and she took a sip of orange juice. She prayed neither of them noticed how badly her hand was shaking. Her heart slammed itself against her tiny chest like a wild animal trying to escape. Her words had been spoken truthfully, but the ramifications still terrified her. Not that she would or could allow them to see that. She set the glass down. "I want to go home. And I need to be alone for awhile. Should I utilize my own methods? Or should I travel with the girls? I did promise to transport them to Mandor. "Yet another lie I am a part of. They're nothing more than offerings to the King's table, right?" "They are something more than that," said Torren. "As I think you will learn. As will Lord Mandor. For the rest of your requests .. " He glanced at Suhuy. "Oh, I'll train you," Suhuy said cheerfully. "Not in Chaos, though. Black Shadow. As for papers ... notes ... drawings ... phoe! You think I keep that sort of thing?" "I have material preserved," said Torren. "And I will make it available to you - in Amber and wherever you are trai ... set up your research. Travel back in company, Lady Solitaire. You should not make the passage alone." "Thank you, Lord Torren," Tear said softly. "I can see why your daughters care for you. Your candor has been. Refreshing. I hope we might speak further in the future. Under more pleasant circumstances." Her eyes dropped away for a moment, her words hardly a whisper. "I'm glad it was you." She set her glass down and turned to Suhuy. "I look forward to our. Training. I'm sure it will be as enlightening as today has been. And sorry for the umm…" she said, lightly touching the skin beneath her left eye. Her voice, however, remained dispassionate and casual. She stood up and went over to Suhuy. With the affection of a granddaughter, she kissed his cheek. "I have your Trump, so I will contact you in due order." Tear flattened her skirt and nodded to the men. "I'm ready to return. I promise I will watch over your daughter and the girls. As for the Master…" Her voice trailed off like a owl's scream in the night. She took a faint breath, "I can travel along the Threads to them. Unless you possess.an easier mode of transportation." "I think one can be arranged," said Lord Torren. "We can trump back to my Ways. The girls will be eager for news of you, I am sure."
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