TheStartOfAJourneyFoodPrep"You need more sorrel in that salad to give bite," said the Septa. The creaking of the wagon had disguised the fact that she had come from her own area of the wagon to stand behind Aerin as she worked. Her voice sounded quite wonderfully normal, as though she was giving Aerin a simple lesson in cookery, as she had done so many times before. Aerin nodded and rummaged the packs around for some sorrel to add. "So what will you do in Marshend?" she asked casually. "I shall care for Ranulf," said the Septa, "for as long as he needs me. After that ... I shall either find a life for myself here in Marshend, or I shall join a sisterhood. Oh, not the Silent Sisters! But further soth there are places where the faithful draw together to serve the Seven - and to do some practical good at the same time. Of course, the Silent Sisters do good too - but I'd find it hard to keep a still tongue. Tear the sorrel - don't use a knife of it. It holds its flavour better that way." Her tone was brisk and cheerful; she was not repining. "So... you seem happy," Aerin said carefully, tearing up the leaves with her hands. "About all of this." Her own mind was trying to wrap itself around the concept that this might be a better life for her Septa. The Septa flinched, as though Aerin had struck her. She was silent for a moment, and then sad, "Happiness is not so easy, Aerin. I thought I was happy once, long ago in King's Landing with my lady and her mistress, the Princess. Then ... after that, I thought I would never be happy again. And in some ways, I never have. But there are moments ...sometimes broef and sometimes longer when, despite all the pain, you know again perfect happiness." She smiled at Aerin. "And some of those moments have been thanks to you, child. So ... I know now that I will be find some measure of happiness again, and knowing that, I can go on." Aerin's hand slowed as she prepped the food. "Could I stay with you?" she finally forced herself to ask. The Septa looked at her for a long moment. "Can you forgive Ranulf?" she asked finally. Aerin inadvertently tore the leaves in her hands. She turned her head, looked up at the Septa. "Why? Why do you have to choose between us? Why him?" she asked. Aerin's face twisted in pain as she looked up at the woman who'd been her mother for most of her life. "I don't want to choose between you," said the Septa. "Indeed, my free choice would have been very different from this. But I can either live in Marshend with one child who I love, or become a Silent Sister. Aerin, you have become a daughter to me, and I would dearly love you to stay with me - for a while at least, until your father needs you. But if you are to stay, you need to accept Ranulf." Aerin turned back to the greens, forcing herself to release the crushed leaves in her hand onto the platter. She tore up several more leaves by hand, thinking. "I barely know Ranulf," Aerin told her. "Why... would you love him when he killed the Lady?" she asked without looking up. The Septa sighed, her hands stilling for a moment. "You both of you have a hard row to furrow, Aerin. But your mother and father wanted you. Your father might find it hard to show his feelings, but he cares for you - and your brother. What he does, he does because he really believes it will be for the best. But no-one wanted Ranulf. Well, Lord Draupaud thought he wanted an heir ... but the price was too great. And his mother ... " The Septa shook her head. "You have people who love and support you, Aerin - and you will find more. But Ranulf only has me." Aerin's own hands stilled for a moment. "It's not fair," she finally whispered, scrunching her eyes closed. "It's not fair that he's done this, and I have to lose you because of it." Unable to see, she felt instead the Septa's comforting arms around her, drawing her close. "Ah, sweeting. It's not fair that he was made to feel there was no other way. It's not fair that his Lady Mother had to go through what she did in King's Landing. It's not fair that ... " She sighed. "We're all of us paying for things that others did, Aerin." Aerin leaned into the Septa's hold, wrapping her own arms around her. "I tried to feel sorry for Ranulf," she whispered. "I really did. But part of me thinks he knew what he was doing," she told her foster mother. The Septa's hug tightened. "He might have known," said the Septa. "But I don't think he forsaw the consequences. And ... I do not mean his punishment." "Do you mean the fact that people found out?" Aerin asked, her mind trying to piece together what the Septa was trying to tell her. The Septa hesitated. "I meant the fact that he found out ... what he had done. Before ... I don't think he understood. Now ... his life is destroyed, Aerin, and lives around him are blighted because of it." There was a sound, a step on the wagon step. Looking up, they could see Ranulf standing in the doorway, staring at them in horror. Aerin refused to be cowed by the boy's distress. She pulled away from the Septa's embrace and gave Ranulf a hard look. "You'd better take good care of the Septa for me," she said flatly, her look hard. Ranulf stared at her for a moment, his face slowly reddening. Then, without a word, he turned and stumbbled away down the wagon steps. The Septa sighed. "Go after him, Aerin. The two of you should talk." "I have no way with words," Aerin protested. "And he's wronged me, not the other way around," she added angrily. "He's wronged himself most all of all," said the Septa. Aerin scowled and looked away. This was worse than Tomlin and her father. There she was between them. She'd never held her mother's loss against her brother. But this was twisted and ugly. And she was angry at Ranulf. This wasn't a lark. He had to get the poison from the Maester. He had to climb over the roofs to get to his mother's chamber. He had to give it to his mother. And then he said nothing when then Septa declared she'd done it. But... the Septa wanted her to try. Even it she didn't want to. She nodded reluctantly, then left the wagon to find Ranulf. At first there was no sign of him at all - although it seemed hard to believe he could have gone so far out of sight so quickly. Aerin nearly out of spite called for Shade to help her track Ranulf down. Instead she looked under the wagon, and then reached up and pulled herself to the roof of the structure, figuring she'd find him there. He was too, sitting at the extreme edge of the roof and gazing back towards Clearwater. When he looked over his shoulder and saw Aerin, his expression became panicked and he tried to scramble away. "I'm not going to hurt you," she said in the same annoyed tone she used to use with her brother. She pulled herself up to the other side and flopped down on the edge, one foot dangling off. He watched her warily, not settling again until he was sure she would remain at a safe distance. Then he turned away, to stare back to Clearwater. "I didn't mean for her to get in trouble," he said suddenly. "I thought ... I thought no-one would care much." Aerin gave Ranulf an odd look. "After everyone went off to rescue your mother after she wandered off that time and nearly drowned?" She looked back out over the camp. "Your father planted roses for her you know," she said, trying to figure out what to say. And then a strange thought entered Aerin's brain. Strange for her. She looked at Ranulf, really looked at him, trying to see some resemblence between the boy and the father. It was there, in the straightness of his nose, in the shape of the chin and the curve of his lips. He had his mother's eyes ... but as she looked at him, Aerin had a strange sensation of familiarity ... Aerin looked at him, trying to figure out why something was triggering her thoughts. "Did your mother ever talk to you?" she asked the boy as she intently studied him. "Talk to me?" echoed Ranulf. "Oh yes, she talked to me. She told me how she wished I'd never been born, and how she wished she'd died before she'd ever had me - and how I was a monster born of an evil man ... "Once, when I was small, they left me with her, and she tried to thrust me out of the window - they only just caught her in time. Another time - I remember this one - she was talking to me ... they thought she was whispering ... they thought her heart had been changed at last. But I could hear her ... and she went on and on about how I was a monster ... I was sick in the end. All over her gown - and then she shrieked and started to hit me and tear her clothes off. "So. She was right. I am a monster - and now everyone else knows it too." Aerin frowned, looked away. This was wrong in so many different ways, but she had no idea what to do about it. Ranulf had killed his mother. The lady who was strange in the head and hated her own son. She heard whispers in Clearwater about what had happened to the Lady when King Robert overthrew the Dragonlords. They say she was never right in the head since then. But to hate her own child... Aerin was starting to think she was right. That the Lord didn't think of Ranulf as his own son. And that maybe it was because he wasn't really the Lord's son. And Ranulf left alone grew something strange and dangerous. Like a shadowcat with no one to care for him. But why then did Ranulf seem so familiar? "It's not your fault your mother didn't want you," she said truthfully. "And it's not your fault your father doesn't see you as his own. She sighed. "But the Septa loves you. Enough to leave me and take care of you," she said heavily. Ranulf kicked moodily at the roof of the cart. "Father didn't give her much choice, did he? That's what I heard." "She chose to take the blame for you," Aerin said, her voice sounding a little bitter even to her. "And she chose to go with you rather than be a Silent Sister." "I don't remember my mother," Aerin told him. "She died in childbirth and my father has always held it against my brother. The Septa is my mother, and now she belongs to you." "So you'd better take care of her," Aerin forced herself to sound as if she were teasing. Ranulf looked up at her. "So," he said. "She's another one who's being forced to act as my mother against her will?" Aerin gave Ranulf a sad look. "She picked you over me. She must care for you." Aerin twisted her body, started to drop off the wagon top. "Don't reject a gift from the gods," she said as she slipped down to the ground. Shade was waiting to butt his head against her, as though to say, "You still have me." From the top of the wagon there was silence. Aerin accepted Shade's comfort. "It will be just us," she said quietly. "We'll go east. We don't need anyone else," she said, as much to convince herself as to convince Shade. Shade licked her hand in agreement. |
