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Index | Time Under Chaos | Game Logs | PreGameLogs | Dressing for Stark Terror

"You know, I have a date waiting," Tanstaafl said aloud. "And my lady isn't one to be left waiting."

"Will you kindly shut it, Tan?" Tear said from behind the elegant dressing screen of mahogany and silver. "She doesn't even know you're here yet. And. I need. Some time here."

For Tear assaying the Logrus seemed like child's play compared to the puzzle confronting her at that moment; choosing between the three dresses Mandor had picked out for her. She stood in her shift, scratching her head and wanting to tear her hair out. What in the Serpent's Name did she know about party dresses?!

Nothing. Absolutely, irrefutably nothing! Mandor had not spared any expense in his choices; at least she could tell that.

Of the trio, she'd been drawn to the red and black, shoulderless cotehardie. Brocade had been woven into its sheer fabric that resembled dragon scales. A silver choker further accentuated the throat. The problem, of course, was that the last thing she wanted to do was accentuated her neck and pale shoulders.

She examined the other gowns, chewing her lip. There was a dark purple gown of cotton velveteen lined with satin, laced up the front "V" to show off the hunter green inset. The forearms laced at the elbows snugly. A classic chemise poufed through strategically placed slashes.

Finally, there was a classic Gothic noble woman's dress; its form-hugging black cotton and velvet left little to the imagination. Netted sleeves and a brocade fabric down the front further accented the dress. Mandor had also chosen a delicate, yet elegant necklace for this one.

Why was life so cruel?

"AH! What am going to do?" she yelled in frustration. "They may as well stick a pig in a wedding dress and send it in my stead. At least the pig would fill the dress out better. I'm a stick with feet!

"And big feet to make it worse."

"What has the size of your feet got to do with anything?" came Larissa's voice from the door. She didn't look as though she had any trouble choosing dresses--hers was black and fitted where it would be most flattering, billowed where it wouldn't. Gold embroidery ran down the bodice and exploded into a network of vines and leaves as it neared the hem of her skirt.

"Hello, Tear," she said with a warm smile, "and hello Tanstaafl." She knelt and extended a hand to deliver the caresses due the little familiar.

Tanstaafl sat up in his chair, acting positively regal in cuteness as she pet him. He offered her a winning smile, "Madame Larissa, it is so good to see you this afternoon. May I say that you look positively scrumptious? Ooo-- you have such amazing hands." His rear paw began to twitch as she caught just the 'right' spot.

Tear pointed her head out from behind the dressing screen, flustered but grateful to see her stately peer. "Good afternoon, Lady Larissa. And as for my feet. They're huge. People will stare at them. They'll say, 'There goes the twig with the mammoth feet.' At least they'll detract from my nose."

She emerged from her sanctuary, squirming with embarrassment in her shift. "I wish I had half your grace and beauty. You're so gorgeous and elegant no matter what you do." She turned to look at her reflection in the mirror and sighed. "But me? I mean, look at me. How is that supposed to make a good first impression? At a party no less."

"Age, and a serene lack of concern for the opinions of others, m'dear," Larissa said. "The former you'll just have to wait on, but the latter you can begin cultivating immediately. You might take lessons from Tanstaafl, once he regains his powers of speech." She smirked and continued to scratch.

Tasntaafl began to let out a contented rumble like the vibrations of a steam engine. His brain had all but shut off from the pure bliss. Other that rolling over to allow Larissa better access to parts of his body that needed attention, he remained nothing more than happy puddle of fur.

"As for concerns about your pulchritude," Larissa's voice took on the measured diction she generally used when about to derail the conversation with science from her home Shadow, "the cross-cultural standards of beauty in human societies universally concern the assorted indicia of reproductive fitness, many of which are markers for health--clear skin and eyes, symmetrical features, clean and even teeth--all of which you have. So let's have no more about your supposed hideousness. It's hardly fair to those who are actually hideous."

Tear smiled softly having grown to love the way Larissa talked. It made sense to her, logical and concise. Tanstaafl might have adored the woman for her scratching ability, but for the young girl Larissa had become a female mentor of sorts. One to be listened to and heeded above all others. And what she'd said, as it usually did, made complete sense.

But Tear wasn't entirely convinced of the rectitude of Larissa's perspective.

"That's easy for you to say, Mistress," Tear quipped. "You, unlike I, possess hips!"

She ran her hands along her waist and grumped. "Someday when I can Shift properly, I'm going to have curves. And a nice waist. And--" She gazed at her chest and let out a mournful sigh.

"But, until then, I throw myself upon your mercies and superior knowledge of fashion."

"If it's zaftig you want, you may just be able to wait a few years," Larissa told her. "I didn't pick up my full adult padding until I was in my mid-20s. Or if that's not in the genetic cards, there's always clever tailoring. And for at least the 30th time," she sighed, "call me Larissa."

Tear blushed brightly and nodded in acquiescence. Her tiny hands rested on her tummy, as she regarded Larissa through the reflection in the mirror. "Do you really think so, Mis--Larissa?" She turned her head to look over her shoulder. "I guess. I'm jealous. You're so. Perfect. And I'm so. Not. Everyone keeps calling me a Baroness, but I haven't a clue how to be or look like one." She shrugged her shoulders and returned to looking at herself in the mirror.

"You're a Baroness," Larissa said, ignoring the question. "Thus, however you are is being a Baroness, and however you look is looking like one. And we shall defer discussions of my perfection or lack thereof until you're about 50 years older and have some perspective."

Tear gave Larissa a soft smile, "And I'm sorry. You're so busy with important things. You shouldn't have to be here. Helping a foolish girl."

"Oh, yes, terrifically important things like making sure Merlin doesn't get drunk and go head first off the ramparts," Larissa muttered.

"When you see that foolish girl, tell her I'm indisposed," she said aloud. She scooped up the Tanstaafl-puddle with one hand and tucked him into the crook of her arm, still petting him with her free hand. "Let's see what you've got." She looked at the dresses. "Mandor picked these," she stated, flatly, eyes resting on the Gothic dress at the end of the row.

Tear giggled and nodded. "How'd you guess? And thank you, Larissa. You're always so kind to me. And not just because of Sir Eats-Alot there." She moved to stand beside her peer, reaching over to give Tanstaafl's ear tips a brief rub. He let out another happy grunt, nuzzling deeper into Larissa's arm.

"It's not to my credit, but to others' shame," Larissa murmured, but she smiled.

Tear glanced toward the door nervously and then looked up at Larissa. She bit her lip, weighing her next words. Innocent she may be, but certainly not stupid. "I think. He. Maybe picked them out. Because they would make me resemble. You-know-who?" Larissa's calming presence might provide her a modicum of courage, but even so, she didn't dare say the dreaded 'F'-word.

"It's possible," Larissa acknowledged, "and Mandor's got more twists than a Shadow full of pretzels..." she trailed off, looking at the dresses and not Tear. "You'd never pull this one off," she jerked her chin at the Gothic gown on the end. "You lack the self-assurance." It was a statement of fact, not delivered as an insult.

Tear nodded in agreement, understanding the comment as it was meant. It was another reason she adored Larissa so. No beating around the bush. Just honesty. True honesty; not that cruel bluntness that some of her peers relished using and calling it 'advice.' She moved the dress over onto another chair and looked at the remaining choices.

"Fiona's a stone-cold bitch, Tear," Larissa said, suddenly, and again, matter-of-factly. "Don't let the world turn you into that."

Tear smiled up at Larissa, wrinkling her nose in amusement. "You have met me, right?"

Larissa wrinkled her own nose right back.

This made Tear laugh out loud. She covered her mouth shyly, but the corners of her upturned lips were still visible. She'd desperately needed a laugh to ease the tension eating away within her.

She hugged herself and shrugged. "Master Vikund told me that on our first date. Well. Not in so many colorful adjectives. Why does everyone think I'm going to change?"

Years of practice let Larissa kept her opinion of Vikund out of her face and voice. "Because time changes everyone--for the better or worse. Your friends would like it to be for the better.

"Though, now that I think about it...if you decide stone-cold bitchery is 'the better,' don't let me stop you. It is a good survival trait."

Tear sighed and idly tugged on her ear. "How could I become something I can't even say without blushing? It's like that Gothic dress. Just not a skin I can wear and pull it off. Flan has more backbone than I do."

Tear lifted up the cotehardie in front of her for Larissa's examination. Her violet eyes looked up at her mentor; worry clouding her features. "You really don't like him, do you? The Master, I mean."

"He hasn't given me any reason to like him, and plenty not to. Though he's dear in your eyes, so I suppose that gives him some value beyond 'walking compost,'" Larissa said, inspecting the dress. "The colors suit you, but I don't like the skirt. Not full enough. The slit will show."

Tear glanced down at the dress curiously and then her violet eyes widen in shock. "OH!" she blushed brightly, tossing the dress onto the settee as if she'd been holding a poisonous snake. She touched her chest, scandalized. "Exactly what impression does he want me to make with these dresses?"

Larissa frowned, bemused, and then her eyes got wide. "Oh, Tear. Dear. That's not what I meant. The dress is perfectly lovely, but if we're to cut a slit in the side of the skirt so that you can get at the dagger I'm going to give you, we'll have to go with a fuller skirt, to hide the cut within the folds." She stopped petting Tanstaafl and turned sideways to Tear, gathering and pulling some of the fabric of her own full skirts taut. Sure enough, it uncovered a hole in the dress where the seams met, hemmed neatly and revealing a flash of pale leg and knife handle. Larissa dropped her skirt, and the concealed weapon was concealed again.

Tear still blushed, even as this was explained to her. She appeared perplexed and mystified, covering her mouth as Larissa demonstrated. "But won't that be the same problem?" she said from behind her hand. "My legs will show. And my ankles. Isn't that. Provocative?"

"I wasn't planning to rip the skirt all the way down the seam," Larissa said. "Just a few inches so you can draw without wasting the time to hike up your skirts. Hence my concern about a full enough drape to camouflage the open seam."

And then the second, perhaps more important part of this discussion finally registered. Her eyes opened even wider still. "Wait! A dagger? What would I need that for? I'm just going to a party. Aren't I?"

"It's not a party I'm going to be at, so I won't be able to watch your back." Larissa pulled at the skirt of the green dress. "Hmm, this one would hide it nicely. Shame about the color, though."

Tear blushed and touched Larissa's arm. "Thank you," she said, sentiment creeping into her soft voice. "It's nice to know. Someone is watching out for me. I wish you were going. I'd feel safer. But." She breathed in and regarded herself in the mirror. "It's time I went out on my own. Make you proud of me.

Tear glanced over her shoulder, a playful smile curling her lips. "So. Daggers. The pointy end is the dangerous part, right?"

"Perhaps I should rethink this plan," Larissa joked.

"If it would make you more uncomfortable to be armed than otherwise, skip it. Your nervousness will show. Unless..." Larissa bit her lower lip as she considered. "No, too uncertain.

"You should always have a nasty surprise ready, Tear." Larissa was suddenly holding a knife, and then just as suddenly not. "A blade, a spell, a bit of blackmail." Larissa's blue eyes locked with Tear's violet ones. "You're a part of a dangerous crowd, by birthright. You must be dangerous, too."

Tear looked into Larissa's eyes; her face turning serious. The display with the knife made her flinch, but fascination quickly replaced her initial shock. Whenever there was a lesson to be learned, she became immediately attentive. And Larissa had so many lessons to be learned.

With a faint nod, she said. "Okay. I. I think I know a trick I can use. It won't really hurt the person. But it'll give me enough time to. Manipulate my surroundings enough to give them pause."

Larissa nodded curtly. "Good. Don't tell me what it is."

Tear rubbed the back of her hand and smiled wanly, "I've burned myself enough times to learn the skill. I just hope. I never have to use it.

She cocked her head. "May I ask? What would be... uncertain?"

"I was considering a feint in which we drew attention to the dagger, leading people to assume that you had a second weapon better concealed elsewhere, but I don't think you're up to something that elaborate yet," Larissa said. Her gaze evaluated Tear skeptically.

Tear and Tanstaafl spoke as one, "Uh. No." Tanstaafl snorted, "Unless she's going to face onions or potatoes, Her Lady of Gawkiness would pose more of a danger to herself than anyone else if you put a knife in her hands." Tear opened her mouth to protest, but then shut it promptly. How could she argue with the truth?

Tanstaafl gave a disgruntled chuff and poked Larissa's side with his muzzle. "This is all well and good, but can we please get back to the most important issue here. That being moi?"

"You little hedonist." She scratched under his chin.

"You wound me," Tanstaafl said, his voice slurred by euphoria. "I am simply overwhelmed by your charms. And those hands...yessss... that's it! Right there." He gazed up at her with fawning eyes, batting his furry lashes. "Marry me. I'm a good provider. I swear."

All seriousness gone, Larissa looked affectionately down at Tanstaafl. "I'd be looking for other attributes in a life partner."

His furred brow rose. "And those would be?" He laid his muzzle against her arm, trying to appear as darling and cute as possible.

Larissa's eyes narrowed, but she was smiling just enough to take the sting out of it. "Nothing I care to discuss in front of Solitare." She flicked his nose lightly with a finger.

Tanstaafl snorted and wriggled his eyes brows, "Then we'd better ship her off to Shadow so we can get to the juicy talk, eh?" He touched his paw to his nose and sighed longingly; pulling his ears back in blissful contentment.

Tear was too busy weighing her thoughts and emotions to comment, but gave him a sharp look.

It took her a few calming breaths before Tear could move again. She picked up the last outfit, her face drawn and tired as she modeled it "The Master can be. Difficult," she said. "I know that. Better than anyone, I guess. But I think he means well. He. Adopted me. Trained me. Why would he do that if he didn't mean well?"

"I can't imagine any reason a Chaosian Lord would be interested in a girl who negotiated the Logrus in her dreams, from Amber, at the age of 11." Larissa was at her driest.

Tear smiled faintly, shrugging her shoulders. She'd lived with this 'stigma' half her life, but still didn't understand what all the fuss was about. "I guess," she said, worrying her upper lip. "I just wish--" She shook her head and fell silent for a moment.

Still holding the last dress, she tried to change the subject. "You've lived in Shadow, Mistress. What's it like? Should I be as scared as I am?"

Larissa twisted to look behind herself. "Mistress? Where?"

Tear stuck out her tongue, "You know who I mean, silly. But you're right. Larissa." She shrugged her shoulders, "It's habit. I'll break it someday. You're just. Important to me. You know. It'd be like calling my big sister by her first name. Does that make sense?"

"I call my big sister by her first name. Well," Larissa paused in an almost Tear-like fashion. "She's lived longer than I have, but we're not sure who's firstborn."

"Oh," Tear said and then smiled. "Well, okay then. Since you're like my big sister, I'll call you Larissa from here on." She looked up at Larissa for a moment with that worshipping smile of hers. "That is. If you want a little sister."

Larissa smiled back, genuinely, lacking the artifice of her usual expressions. It was radiant. "I would like that very much."

"Then we are sisters from this day forward, Larissa," Tear beamed. She turned around and stood up on her toes to place a gentle kiss on Larissa's cheek. "Thank you. You've always been so good to me. And I've always wanted a big sister. I couldn't think of anyone I'd rather have as family."

Larissa recieved the kiss with a smile, but there was a deep pain clouding her eyes in the moment before she turned from Tear to look at the dresses again. "I--if you're certain. Being my family is...not always a happy thing."

Tear's eyes mimicked Larissa's as empathy for her friend's pain overcame her. She leaned back into Larissa and watched her in the mirror. "Larissa," she said. "I'm certain. You've been my friend and mentor for half my life. And as close and important as Aunt E'lbram is to me, she's still...mortal. You and I are closer because we're special. You can understand things my other family can't. So, it's only right we say aloud what I've thought almost since you took me under your wing."

"All right. I am your sister in everything but birth, then." Her voice husky with emotion, Larissa hugged Tear with her free arm. It was several seconds before she let go, and when she spoke again, it was normally. "I don't think there's a legal precedent, though."

She hugged herself again and sighed. "Of the three, color aside, is this one the best choice? I need to wear something he picked for me. Or." Tear blushed and looked down at her feet. "He'd be very hurt."

Something like a laugh made it as far as Larissa's throat, where it turned into a snort. "He'd pretend to be very hurt, certainly.

"Dagger access aside, the green will cover the most, which will put you at ease. If a certain furry lump will let me divest myself of him, I'll help you with the lacing."

Tasntaafl let out an exaggerated sigh. "Well, I suppose I can allow a brief reprise from your scratching duties." He generously allowed himself to be set down on a chair.

Tear slipped into the dress and studied Larissa in the mirror as she was being fitted and tied. "Can I ask you something private?"

Larissa's eyes were focussed on the lacing. "Certainly. Though I reserve the right not to answer," she said. "But I won't lie to you. Which is more than most people can get out of me. Why the hell doesn't this thing just have a zipper?"

"Because that would be easy," Tear said frankly. "And nothing for us is easy."

She took in a deep breath, the drama of her question deepening. Finally, she spoke in a quavering voice, gazing at Larissa's reflection in the mirror, trying to hold her eyes. "Why haven't you gotten married yet? Are we. Are people like us supposed to wait? And how long? Or is because we just can't. Love like other people do?" Her smile faltered, violet eyes search for the answers in Larissa's expression.

"That's a more complicated question than I think you meant to ask, dear," Larissa said, more intent on her task than on Tear's nervousness. "Stand up straight." She tied off the laces. "There. You do look lovely, though I know you refuse to believe it. Tanstaafl, tell her she's lovely."

Two vast ears popped up and Tanstaafl regarded them both for a moment. His tiny body quaked as he fought back a witty remark. In the end, he chose to tell the truth. "Tear, you've never looked lovelier. You'll break hearts in that dress. Somehow, in the last few minutes, you've grown up into a beautiful woman." His dark eyes regarded Larissa for a moment, as if viewing her in a new light. And then he let out a sad little sniff and rested his muzzle upon her paws.

Tear bit her lip and blushed brightly, standing straight and poised. "Thank you. Both of you. And, for once, I believe you. It's a very pretty dress." She turned around, seeing how the dress moved, enjoying herself while she was still amongst friends.

Tear looked at her peer for a moment, raising an eyebrow. But then she nodded, as if accepting this as an explanation. Larissa was probably right. Perhaps there were things she wasn't ready to hear yet. And they had plenty of time. Why rush it?

Tanstaafl, however, raised his muzzle and cocked his head. He let out another sad snort and set his head back down. His dark eyes watched Larissa, his expression oddly sedate.

Larissa pushed aside the rejected dresses and sat. She arranged her skirts and patted her lap for Tanstaafl. "I'm not certain how frank a discussion I can have about my romantic motivations with someone who gets nervous at the thought of showing ankle, Tear. I suspect I come at the question from an entirely different perspective than you do."

Tanstaafl, however, raised his muzzle and cocked his head. He let out another sad snort and set his head back down. His dark eyes watched Larissa, his expression oddly sedate.

With a sigh, Larissa slouched against the settee, a posture as rare from her as a kind word about Mandor. "You should not hesitate to love, as long as you realize that the longer you live, the greater chance that love has to wound you.

"But don't let that stop you. I haven't."

Tear nodded and came over to the settee. Making sure not to wrinkle the dress, she sat down and rested her head against Larissa's shoulder; easy to do when you realized just how small the girl really was. "Does love have to hurt? Is that why some of us never form...connections? Or remain at a distance even with those were care for?"

Larissa stroked Tear's hair, and didn't answer for quite some time. She was staring at her own reflection in the mirror, then met Tear's reflected eyes when she started to speak. "Loving opens a crack in your armor, Tear. You have to decide whether you think that vulnerability is worth it. No one--no one--can hurt you like someone you love can, directly, in all the obvious ways, or indirectly." She shook her head, growing animated as memories piled up behind her advice.

"My parents' generation would hide their children away in Shadow, refuse to acknowledge us, so that we couldn't be used against them. Darkness between," Larissa cursed. "I don't know to this day whether my father loved me. To admit it would have given his enemies a lever to use against him.

"And...people change. Even we scions of Order. The person you love unreservedly today may grow into someone you don't recognize tomorrow. Too...people lie." The usually-concealed steel was in her voice and bearing now. "I don't know which is worse--finding that the person you love has changed into someone you don't, or that the person you loved never existed in the first place.

Larissa's voice changed, grew softer. "But, having given you all the bad news, I can also say that love is one of the pinnacles of experience, and anyone not capable of loving shouldn't be considered fully sapient." She paused, and leaned forward to rest her chin in her hand and look at Tear face-to-face rather than in the mirror.

"Aren't I helpful?" she asked as her customary sardonic sensibilities reasserted themselves.

Tear meet Larissa's gaze; violet eyes filled with a mixture of emotions. Her smile softened and she reached out to touch her sister's hand. "You are," she said. "That is exactly what I needed to hear. I think I knew that in my heart, but I need you to say aloud and with eloquence and experience."

She leaned forward, kissing Larissa's forehead. "I just wish all of your experiences could have been pleasant ones," she said sympathetically. "You deserve so much love in your life. That big heart of yours has a lot of space to fill up."

"Don't wish that on me." Larissa laughed, a bit hollowly. "Then I'd be Chadwick. You need the bad as well as the good."

Tear wrinkled her nose and stuck out her tongue in mock disgust. "Ewww. We wouldn't want that. You'd be wearing frilly pink things and prancing with bunnies and bluebirds. Your mind would snap within mere moments. You. Chadwick. Heh."

She tried to hide her true feelings behind the humor. She sort of liked Chadwick; his monumental naivete was rather endearing. So what if his mere presence could probably cure someone of their hypoglycemia?

Larissa smiled, not as sadly as she might have. "You need the bad things, Tear. They temper you. I just could have done with fewer bad things, is all."

"At least you have a young sister who loves and adores you," Tear said gleefully.

"There's that," Larissa conceded, grinning. "And you have a big sister to dispense advice of questionable utility." Though the words were sarcastic, her voice radiated warmth.

A strangled gargle resound beside them; the lump of fur having rolled on his back and begun to twitch in a exaggerated series of death throes. "On second thought," he gasped. "No �clairs today. I've had enough sweetness from you two carrying on."

Tear picked up a pillow and deftly thumped the familiar in the head. "Can't I have one moment of bonding without comment?"

"I think he used up all his restraint earlier," Larissa said. "And speaking of earlier, what was this about your going off into Shadow and Tanstaafl staying here?" She favored each of them with half a disapproving look.

The pair glanced at one another and then simultaneously shrugged; an odd sight, indeed, when you considered that one of them was a fennec. Tear was the first to speak in their defense. "It's a party. With dancing. And pretty women. What sort of impression would I make if I had a furry malcontent running around my feet? Eating the food and flirting unconscionably with the other guests?"

"She has me there," Tanstaafl said.

Tear looked down her nose at him and then smirked, finding it impossible to be mad with him. She reached over and scratched his ears. "Besides, he nearly came out of his fur when Mandor suggested the possibility of him staying with you while I was gone. He's rather smitten with you."

"Again, the lady knows me well," Tanstaafl said, wriggling his furry ears.

The young Chaosian sighed deeply, appearing to physical shrink into her dress. "If I'm to be a baroness. I need to act like one. As scary as that may be. I need to see if. I can handle this. On my own. Does that make sense?"

Larissa was unconvinced. "How far away is it?"

Tear cringed, her violet eyes flickering with renewed fear. "I'm not sure," she said, "But from the sounds of it, we might be going into the Courts. Or something close to it. Jurt and I are to meet with three women that are coming to Amber. Normally, he'd just Trump them here. But. He wants. Me to. I am to teach them something about Amber.

"ME!" she said incredulously.

She brushed a bang from her cheek. "Maybe you're right and Master Mandor has lost his mind."

"It's not your deportment that has me concerned, Tear," Larissa said, frowning. "I'm worried about the psychic bond between you and Tanstaafl attenuating over distance--especially if you go all the way to Chaos and he stays here."

Tear stood up and smoothed her dress. She checked herself in the mirror a final time as she spoke. "Larissa," she said. "I'll be fine. He and I will be fine. And..."

She turned her head and smiled sadly. Larissa, a consummate judge of character, realized that Tear was hiding something. It was what she did when she didn't wish to discuss the truth. The girl never lied. She simply avoided the subject. Just as she was doing now.

"You're my sister. My confidant and mentor. Who else would I want to take care of him? If something happens to me, you two can come find me more easily. And Vikund too. We haven't spoken recently, but he'd help you I'm sure. He might even have a Trump of me lying around somewhere knowing his resourcefulness."

She took a deep breath, "It will be fine. Yes? Now, the itching at the base of my neck telling me that Master Mandor is probably getting impatient. I'd best go to him before he has someone drag me out."

Tear went over and kissed Larissa cheek. "I'll be back soon," she said. "And when I do, I owe you dinner for all you've done for me."

And with that, the little baroness went off to face the music.

Continue to Coming to Amber: Jurt at Tear's entrance.
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