GiulianVisitsElissaDusk was gathering as a trim curricle, drawn by matched chestnuts, drew up in front of a town house in St. John's Wood, one with a half-obscured Rostay turtle crest over the door. The house was no longer a Rostay possession, of course; like most of the family's city properties, it had been sold long ago. This particular building, however, had a new coat of paint and fresh curtains in the windows. As the light carriage halted, the groom riding on the back sprang down and went to the horses' heads. The young man driving put up the reins and clambered down, then extracted a pair of crutches from the footwell along with a well-worn leather satchel. He got the satchel across his shoulder and the crutches under him before speaking to the groom in a low voice. "Take the rig back to the stable, Danton. I don't expect to need it again tonight. Be here at eight tomorrow morning unless you hear from me." "Yes, my lord." The small, wiry man bent his head in acknowledgement of his master's orders and sprang into the seat of the curricle. He took up the reins, but did not drive off immediately. Instead, he waited while the young man went up to the door and pulled the bell. It only took a few moments, but the door was soon opened. Awashed by a soft light glowing inside, Elissa stood in the doorway. She was dressed in a loose, long flowing gown in a pale blue color with a soft cream robe that draped over it. There was no structure to the gown as it moved over her body, flowing with ease. Her rich brown hair was loose in soft curls. A ribbon was the only thing holding the curls back from her face. "Jules... I was hoping..." she said with a smile. She stepped back out of his way. Giulian returned the smile as he entered, but it seemed tired, even strained. "I found I had to see you," he said quietly. "And I'm glad I did." Watching him carefully, Elissa closed the door behind him. In the street outside, the curricle pulled away. She led him to the sitting area where a tea set was waiting on the small table. A tea set for two, which showed her wishful hoping he would come. "Jules... What is it? What happened?" she asked, sitting down on the sofa and looking up at him. "I know you had a visit... with your father... Or was he the Regent at that time?" "A bit of both, I'd say," replied Giulian, lowering himself onto the other end of the sofa and propping his crutches within reach. Seeing the distance he put between them, Elissa shifted and turned to look at him. "Giulian... Please... Talk to me." He reached out a hand toward her. "What can I say, that you don't already know?" "I do not know what your father... the Regent... will have on me... Or what he would tell you," she said. She scooted along the couch until she reached Giulian's side. She settled in close to him, placing her head on his shoulder, while her hand caught his and entwined their fingers. His hand returned the clasp of hers, while his free arm went around her shoulders. "What he thought I should know," he said heavily. "And that he thinks our connection is dangerous ... for both of us." Letting out a deep sigh, Elissa snuggled closer to his shoulder, nuzzling him with her cheek for a warm moment. "We already knew that for ourselves. Just the fact of what... I was... What some people think I still am." "It isn't only that. It isn't just what you did, but who you did it for. You didn't always know, did you? It wouldn't be your business to inquire..." "No, I didn't know who I worked for. Most of the time, I did not want to know." "But they knew," Giulian said. "They may still know." She sighed and sat up to look at his face. Her hand moved from his and curled around his cheek. "Giulian... What is this all about? We both know... my past is not the best. Whoever knows... I will deal with it when and if the time comes. I will not hide from my past and anyone who comes across it. I can't let it rule my life. I will not let it rule my life." His hand came up to cover hers. "I realize that. I respect it. And on your own, that might be enough. Elissa Chatham working to make a new life for herself, no one might take enough of an interest in to interfere. But putting what you were together with what I am -- what I can't walk away from, Elissa -- that's what may draw attention. That's what could be dangerous. "Don't misunderstand me." His gaze softened as he looked at her. "I'm not ashamed of you, not for a moment. I love you, Elissa, and more than that, I admire you. I want you beside me, so much... but the thought that standing next to me might make you a target, that twists in my gut. Because I've been there, and I've seen what it does." "I will not let this tear us apart, Giulian... On the off chance that I might become a target. I've been a target all my life, just by being born into my family. I've survived so far. I'll continue to survive. I want to stand by you. Help you fight and push for what was right. Be your lover... and more." Suddenly, she opened her robe to allow more freedom. She swung her leg over his and straddled his legs, staring directly at him as her hands moved to his chest. She was careful not to put pressure on his bad hip. "Do not let this tear us apart, Giulian... Please... Together... Together we are stronger. We can fight against this... If we do not... then things will continue on as they are..." His arms went around her, pulling her close to him. "I said I wouldn't give you up, Elissa," he whispered, "for anyone less than you... but I don't want you walking into danger with your eyes closed. Eyes open ... that's different. Still not good, not what I want for you, for us, but... at least we're prepared." "My eyes are always open. It's the only reason why I'm still alive, Jules... Life can't be perfect, but we can make the best of it." She pressed her forehead to his chest for a second and then nuzzled his neck and jaw with her cheek. She pressed a light kiss to his neck. "We'll be together... I don't wish to be kept in the shadows... A separate world away from you... where you can't even acknowledge me on the streets." "I don't want that either," he murmured, a hand sliding into her hair. "But you need to know, Elissa... Once the Regency is over, just a few weeks now, certain ... protections you've had will go away. And those who've used you before may think you can be used again." People who think of you as a tool, he added silently, bitterly, ...or a weapon. "Then they will have to live with the truth that I'm no longer in that business. Now I'm just a student... a normal citizen... One who happens to be in love with a noble son," she said, almost purring at the touch of his hand in her hair. "A noble son who happens to be passionately in love with her," he returned huskily, just before his lips sought hers. Moaning at the kiss, Elissa moved closer to Giulian as she returned his kiss. Her hands moving up and into his hair. Giulian surrendered to the kiss even as he deepened it, seeking to blot out his apprehensions with the touch, the scent, the taste of Elissa. Here, now, they were together, with no need to think beyond the moment. Returning his kiss, surrending to his touch, his scent, and just the warmth of him against her, Elissa did not wish to be anywhere else, with anyone else. Gently she pulled back and stared down at him. Her eyes dark with passion. "Stay... Stay the night with me... Please... We can just curl up together on the bed, no more if that is your wish. I don't want to be alone. Anything you wish to know about me... I'll tell you... I'll trust you to keep my secrets as I trust you with my heart," she whispered, placing soft kisses along his face and jawline. She pressed her lips once more against his. Giulian returned her kiss, lingeringly, then whispered, "Yes, I'll stay. I sent Danton away. I don't wish to ... to compromise you, Elissa, or take anything from you you're not ready to give, but I want to be with you. "As for secrets..." He pulled away, just a little, so he could look deeply into her eyes. His dark gaze was at once heated and infinitely tender. "I already know as much as I need to. You're Elissa ... you're my love ... that's all that matters now." Smiling, Elissa kissed him again. She slowly rose to her feet and stepped back from him. She held out her hands to help him up. "Let me walk with you.... I'm not sure how... much I wish to give... But I want to be close to you..." Giulian took her hands and let her help him to rise. His heart was lightened by the knowledge that permission had been granted for his trespass, even if it was after the fact. Someday he might ask her forgiveness anyway, but for now, he wanted to push that dark red file and its contents out of his mind. "Lead the way, my love." "No... Together... We go together, like we always will," she said, stepping in close to him. She supported him on one side, handing him one of the crutches to help him swing. Reaching up, she kissed his cheek and then walked with him through the townhouse. Luckily, her bedroom was on the first floor and in the back of the house. A large four-post bed with soft curtains covering it took up most of the room. It was lower than most beds. Letting the robe slip off her shoulders and fall to the ground, Elissa turned and faced Giulian. She smiled, kissing his jawline, as she tugged and supported him back towards the bed. In turn, Giulian let the crutch topple to the floor, grasping Elissa's shoulders instead. When they reached the edge of the bed, he took her in his arms and just let himself fall. Chuckling as she fell on the bed with him, she rolled around until she was tucked up against Giulian. Her arms went around him, holding him close. She looked up into his eyes, knowing she wanted him to be her first lover. Her first in everything. He bent his head and kissed her, long and tenderly, then let his lips wander across her cheek to the angle of her jaw before placing a line of soft kisses down the side of her neck. "Mmm... Jules..." she whispered, drawing her hands down his covered chest. In response, he rolled onto his back, giving her easy access to the buttons of both jacket and shirt. Rolling with him, she pushed herself up and smiled at him. She kissed him the same way he kissed her earlier, teasing him with her lips and fingers. "You're...overdressed... Shall we take care of that?" she teased and asked. A little color rose on her cheeks but her fingers went to the buttons on his jacket first. "Mmm. Please do," he invited. He lay still, watching her with a smile in his eyes, as she began to undo the buttons. "I don't know.... exactly what I'm doing..." she whispered as she leaned over, kissed his chin, as her fingers slipped the buttons out of the holes, opening up the jacket to her. "You're doing fine," Giulian assured her. One hand came up to caress her face. "Hmm... You're just being nice to me," she teased, lying across him, nudging her cheek closer to his hand as she rested her hand on his face. "What do you wish to do this night? I just want you so close... so close to me. I do not wish to harm your relationship with your father though. Not because of me..." "It wouldn't be because of you, not really," Giulian told her. The fingers of his other hand began to comb through her hair. "Not your fault, anyway. Father's going to have to understand -- he ought to understand. He fell in love with Mother, after all, and she wasn't a noble. And I know he wouldn't have given her up for anything." Curling closer to him, her hand slipping under his jacket and then his shirt to touch his skin, Elissa sighed, nuzzling his shoulder. "I hope that they will understand us. Though... With the whole... thing about the new Duke and your father giving up the Regency... Who knows how things will turn out. Some things may be completely different... While others... never change." "They have to be able to change," Giulian responded. "They're different in other places, other worlds." After a few moments, during which he cradled Elissa close to him, he continued thoughtfully, "Elissa ... have you ever thought about going offworld?" "Hmm... I often thought about it. After all that I've done. I would be... somewhat safer on a different planet where no one knew me." "Father suggested it as something we might do," Giulian revealed. "The two of us." She lifted her head and looked at him. "Why would he suggest something like that?" "Because he thinks we're a danger. That we're in danger." "What? How are we in danger?" She pushed up a little more to look at him. "So he would rather we disappear offworld instead of facing the danger?" "The danger might be Whiteblood," said Giulian, meeting her eyes frankly. "That danger could be the same for anyone..." Giulian shook his head. "No, not anyone. You and I both, because of what we were or are -- we're far more likely to attract his attention than most people, and that's leaving aside our investigation. Both of us together..." He paused, letting her assemble the pieces herself. Sitting up, running her hands through long trailing curls, Elissa pressed a hand to her forehead. "Both of us together could be dangerous to him..." "I'd like to think so," Giulian said a bit wryly. "What's more certain is that we're highly visible to him." She turned and looked down at Giulian. "Your father doesn't want me anywhere near you, does he?" Her eyes were dark and sad as she said that. "Does he want me to disappear from your life?" "If that's what he wants, too bad, because I'm not going to let you," Giulian said firmly. He took one of Elissa's hands and kissed the palm. "Having said that, I'm sure he'd be happy to have our connection be a little less, mm, overt." He kissed her hand again, his gaze softening. "But even that's hard for me. I want you near me, Elissa. I'm proud of having such a beautiful and accomplished woman at my side." "You may be... but your father, someone who is very important here, is not proud of that fact. No matter what... my history and past will always be there. As a wedge between me and your family." Giulian frowned thoughtfully. "I don't think it's as simple as that. It's not so much a matter of Father's own opinions as others' opinions of him -- and for a public figure, that's important." "It's a position that you are going to enter, Giulian. You are your father's first born son. It is your right and heritage. Not as a regent, but certainly as Lord Anderon." She looked at him with dark eyes, the pain inside clenched her heart of the truth she may never be able to be near him, except like this, in the dark, as a mistress. She ran a hand over the curls once more, setting them in disarray, as she laid her cheek against a raised knee, still covered in the silken nightdress. Tears glinting in the darkness as the pain tightened in her chest, not knowing what she should do. "It's not the same thing," Giulian maintained. "Being Regent has different responsibilities, different -- vulnerabilities, I guess you could say, than just being Head of House. Which, God willing, I won't be for many years yet." He raised himself up to a sitting position so that he could put an arm around Elissa's shoulders. "I don't want to give you up, Elissa," he said, "but I don't want to cage you either, any more than I want to put you in danger." Turning her head, Elissa leaned closer to him once more, nestling against his shoulder. She twisted her body around to lean against him, careful to not hurt his hip as always. "I don't want to give you up either, Jules. I will be whatever you wish me to be so we can be together. I put myself in danger. I always have..." She lifted her head and stared at him. "I wish... I wish I could just make... the whole history and issues and stuff and Elissa Chatham -- the name -- disappear. I wish I could reinvent myself to someone completely different, to be able to be proud to stand with you, by you, no matter what. I would not be... such an issue... for you. I would do that for you. I would become someone completely different if I must to remove this... problem of my history and past out of our way." "If you became completely different, you wouldn't be the woman I fell in love with," Giulian pointed out gently. "Just the outside would change... and... my past would be... cleaned up a little. The core of me is still there... What you love will still be there... I can still keep the... trick of opening any door to sneak in and surprise you in the middle of the night... I may still be a cit, but I will not be in the bottom rung of the heap." "You're not on the bottom rung now," Giulian insisted. "You're educated, wealthy ... not to mention beautiful and accomplished." He sighed. "That's not to say I don't understand what you want to do. But how would you perform such a transformation, Elissa?" "I'm wealthy through various means, not all were legal." She smiled at the compliment of being beautiful and nuzzled his cheek with her lips. "I don't know what I wish to do. I just do not... want to be an... issue for you." "You're not an 'issue' for me," Giulian said firmly, turning his head and cupping her cheek with one hand, so they were eye to eye. "You may be that to other people," like Whiteblood and my father "but to me you're a woman -- the woman I love." He brushed her lips lightly with his own. With a soft sigh, she returned the kiss. "I just want to make you happy. To be allowed to stand by your side and not kept in the shadows." She curled her hand around his cheeks, caressing his warm skin, feeling the pricklings of a beard coming in. "Offworld. I could go offworld someplace where such a thing could happen and return in a few weeks when... things have calmed down..." "'A few weeks'? Elissa, unless you're going no farther than one of the military satellite outposts -- or Kalkan, at the outside, maybe -- just the journey will take longer than that, never mind anything else. Talk to someone who's been offworld -- Harry, maybe, or Sasha. They'll tell you." "Then we can... set it up here... I'll disappear with an accident... I know how to alter my looks and I know where to go so someone could help me... I could return with a different... background and identity," she said, her eyes full of eagerness to do something. Giulian looked at her worriedly. "But could you do that without Whiteblood finding out? You know what we've discovered ... that he has fingers in every criminal enterprise on Aquila. I don't want him having any more hooks in you than he has already." "I just... feel... that as I am now... I may love you with all my heart, but I'm not... suitable for you. Other than a mistress." She shook her head and rested her forehead against his chest, blowing a deep breath in and out as her eyes closed. "This is just... making me crazy... I don't know what to do. Other than I know I need to stay close to you, in your arms, and never let go. For the first time... I feel like I belong somewhere, with someone, and someone truly loves me," she said in a low voice, keeping her eyes closed. "In my arms is exactly where I want you, Elissa," Giulian murmured. He cradled her close to him and began to stroke her hair. "Where you belong. I can't bear the thought of your leaving me ... losing you..." "Then I will try and become the lady you need by your side, Jules. A lady you can be proud of and your family will, I hope, learn to like. Just let me know what you wish of me... I will do whatever I can... I'll... give up secrets of some... still hidden but unsold jewels to your father. They can be returned to their owners." She pressed her face against his neck, arms wrapping tight around him. Giulian's breath caught, wondering if Elissa referred to the Acciaio jewels. If they were given back... But after a moment he shook his head. "If you want to do that as some kind of penance, Elissa, I won't hold you back, but -- I don't think it would change things, change people's views. As for me ... you don't have to become a lady for me to love you. I love you already. If something in you needs to change -- for you to become the person you want to be -- that's fine, but you don't need to do it just to become somehow 'worthy' of me. Not in my eyes." She looked up at him and smiled. She placed her hands on either side of his face. "You are just too perfect to be true for me... How can I aspire to be something more if you like me just as I am?" Chuckling softly, she realized he was still dressed. "Darling, how can you sleep with all these clothes on?" "I often don't sleep much, for a fact," Giulian told her, eyes twinkling. He took her hands and directed them to his shirt buttons. "But everyone knows we pampered nobles need help to get undressed..." Some uncounted time of increasingly intimate exploration later, Giulian freed his mouth long enough to gaze up into Elissa's eyes, his own large and almost black in the dim light. "Elissa..." he whispered. "How much... do you want...?" Blinking slowly, her eyes dark with passion and need, she looked at him. She nipped slowly at his lower lip. "As much as you want... You are my first... My only... If you wish to wait... until it's... proper for us to touch, I will wait for you. Though, I enjoy this touch... this ache and need that's inside me..." "What I want... is you. So much. But Elissa... you have to say. Because you're ... you're the one who can't go back from here." She nodded slowly. "Oh, Jules... I would not choose anyone else for my first lover. I want you for my first, please," she whispered. "Please... I will never regret this night, being this close to you. I will always have this piece of you to hold close to my heart." "Always," he promised softly, before framing her face with his hands and drawing her down for a tender kiss. Then he took one of her hands in his, placed a kiss on it, too, and guided it to his trouser buttons.
In the aftermath of their joining, stretching her legs out, she curled up against his length, her leg curled around his good one, her head resting on his shoulder, as her hand moved over his chest. His hand reached up to stroke her hair. Exaltation, terror, and an almost unbearable tenderness still echoed within him, along with a vague sense of vindication. He'd told Delan that afternoon that he did not believe the rumors of Elissa's previous lovers, and he'd trusted her when she told him he was the first. But to have his belief and trust proved out on their own bodies made him feel at once triumphant and oddly humble. "My love," he murmured. "My dear love. Whatever else happens, they can't take this from us, ever." "Never, love. My first love..." she whispered, turning her head, kissing the skin she could reach. "I should get something... to clean up with, but I don't... wish to move..." "It can wait," said Giulian. He turned his head so that their lips could meet, and kissed her lingeringly. |
